If everyone stopped being so dramatic, stopped playing games, and understood how obsolete old school dating rules actually are, dating would be fun and not a horrible, painful experience. Here are 12 dating rules we all need to stop paying attention to because they’re complete BS:
1. HE HAS TO ASK YOU OUT FIRST.
Real Talk: a lot of guys are shy. Not every guy is going to come up to you out of nowhere, ask for your number, and then proceed to ask you on a date. That’d be nice, but unfortunately, most guys don’t have the balls for that. Sometimes, we ladies have to show a little initiative by asking the guy out so he knows we’re interested. What’s the problem?
2. YOU SHOULD PRETEND NOT TO CARE.
Pretending you don’t really like a guy while you’re on a date with him (or even when you’re texting him) seems kind of dumb. I understand not wanting him to know how much you’ve talked about him with your friends or that you’ve been secretly imagining a future with him, but he should at least know that you like him!
3. YOU CAN’T SLEEP WITH HIM ON THE FIRST DATE.
You can do whatever the hell you want to do! If you’re feeling a guy and you want to go home with him on the first date, do it. Why shouldn’t you? You’re single, you’re on birth control, and you know for a fact he’s not a serial killer. I say go for it. Sleeping with a guy on the first date doesn’t make you a slut and it doesn’t give him “all the power.” If he’s a good guy and you’re a good girl, sex won’t play a role in who controls the other.
4. YOU SHOULD ONLY GO ON DATES AT NIGHT.
This is more of a “norm” than a rule but whatever, we’re going to discuss it. You might be a fan of Friday/Saturday night dates and I get it. With work and life, your schedule might be freer on the weekends. However, there’s nothing wrong with meeting for casual drinks after work or even doing something super adventurous like going on a hike early Sunday morning.
5. YOU SHOULD AVOID SERIOUS CONVERSATIONS.
False! Maybe if you guys were 14 and unaware of what your goals and values were but if you’re over the age of 21 (maybe even 18), you should definitely be having serious conversations with the person you’re dating, even if it’s only the first date. How else are you supposed to really, truly get to know each other?
6. HE SHOULD ALWAYS PICK YOU UP.
It’s 2017. Internet dating is at an all-time high and people are getting crazier by the minute, which means dating is even riskier than it used to be. Thanks to Tinder, going on a first date doesn’t mean giving a guy your address, having him pick you up and then you guys going to dinner. No no no. Dating nowadays means meeting someone in a public AF place because you’re still trying to make sure they’re not a pervert.
7. YOU SHOULD WAIT TO CONTACT HIM.
Both guys and girls are guilty of this one! Waiting to text or call someone after a date is a complete waste of time and it sends some pretty mixed signals. Do you like him? Does he like you? Are you guys going to ever see each other again?! These questions should be answered and they can only be answered by, uh, talking to each other.
8. YOU SHOULDN’T SHOW HIM YOUR UNATTRACTIVE SIDE.
Okay, so maybe you don’t want to constantly be farting and burping in front of the guy you’re dating. Hella understandable. But you also shouldn’t go out of your way to hide things about yourself that you deem unattractive. Like, a pimple—you shouldn’t avoid hanging out with him just because your face is low-key filled with red bumps. If he doesn’t like you at your worst, he doesn’t get to be around you at your best.
9. HE SHOULD PAY FOR THE DATE.
I’m not saying he shouldn’t pay but I’m also not saying there’s anything wrong with you paying. If you asked him out, why shouldn’t you pay? It shows that you’re a confident woman who has her finances under control and who doesn’t need a man to pay for her meals. That’s a sexy look.
10. YOU SHOULD NEVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.
People say you should never lower your standards and generally, I agree. Still, sometimes you might need to at least adjust your standards. You might have a problem doing that but you really shouldn’t. If your standards are crazy high and almost reaching impossible, you’re never going to find your forever person. Take a hard look at what you want and make sure it’s reasonable.
11. IT ONLY TAKES A COUPLE DATES TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
This is some “Bachelorette” BS! Sure, if on the first date he talks about taking you home and doing dirty (and also illegal) things to you, you might be able to decide then and there that he isn’t the guy for you. However, if he’s super normal but just a little shy, how can you know for sure he’s not “The One”? The first date shouldn’t be the date that makes you decide whether or not you want to see him again. That’s way too much pressure!
12. YOU SHOULD PLAY HARD TO GET.
Okay, so this goes along with everything I’ve been saying in this piece. Playing hard to get means you’re following “rules” that you think exist, even though they don’t AT ALL. If you’re waiting to return phone calls, avoiding certain conversations, and doing your best to seem aloof so that he’ll want you even more, there’s a chance you’ll end up alone for the rest of your life.